A friend told me that she’d complained to her dad about how sad she felt after a breakup. And he said, without emotion, “You just get over it and move on.”
We cracked up, because this epitomizes the way we both were raised. In my family, if someone dies, you might get a few seconds of pity, but that’s it. For any other setback you won’t even get that. My family is not religious, but it comports with what I’ve learned from the Buddhists as well. One Tibetan nun who had struggled with depression all of her life was told by her teacher to stop being so self-absorbed. A little harsh? I used to think so, but I’ve discovered (like Tupac) that “get over it and move on” is the best advice anyone can give you in any circumstance.
New to The Mystical One? Start here and then here!
Recently I was totally blindsided when a ten-year romantic and financial partnership came to an end. The person I trusted and loved, emptied our bank account, cut off my source of support and said he had someone else. We won’t get into all of the reasons why I should have been smart enough to have foreseen that and not entangled myself with such a character in the first place. I didn’t come here today to beat myself up. So after three days of not being able to eat or sleep, I called my mother. I told her what I just told you and she said, “ok.”
“OK?” I screeched, “I don’t deserve that, he shouldn’t treat me like that!”
“I know you don’t, I know he shouldn’t,” she said calmly, “but what are you going to do – that’s all you need to worry about.”
There’s nothing more aggravating then when you want people to be all self-righteous and indignant with you, but instead they speak wisdom to your situation. I was about to wonder why I even call her when she said, “you’ve been in worse situations, you’re strong and resourceful, I know you’ll be fine – and if you need help, we’re always here for you.”
Now I remember why I call her. Because her seemingly unsympathetic words remind me that I have everything I need. I am omnipotent eternal blissful spirit inside this body and no one can cause me to suffer but me. My blessed financial life may have been the result of someone else’s earning power for a period of time, but my blessed life is the result of my faith in the abundance of the universe and my resilient spirit. And no one, no matter how badly they wish to harm me, can steal those.
So even though my body wasn’t buying it and continued churning an adrenaline pit in my stomach, I smiled. I asked for guidance and implemented the practical positive steps that came to me as they arose. Sometimes a nasty, vindictive (and absolutely brilliant) scheme would arise, and I’d think, is that God giving me a great idea or is that my ego giving me a terrible idea? Because the nasty and mean sounds so satisfying and delicious in the abstract – and my ego is quite clever.
But unfortunately, I’ve read the Gospels, the Upanishads, the Dhammapada, the Bhagavad Gita, the Tao Te Ching, etcetera, and I’ve engaged in more than my share of destructive behavior, so I already know the answer. Jesus allegedly said, “if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, give him your cloak also.”
The Buddha offers even less encouragement than that to the unforgiving ego. He says be grateful to someone who comes even to take your life. And the Sufi Mystic Rumi reminds us to welcome even “a crowd of sorrows,” for they, “may be clearing you out for some new delight.”
So, I try not to think about all the ways I could inflict pain in turn in this situation. Instead I live in joy, sit in silence, and wait to see what is going to happen. Waiting for what will make me look back on this moment and be grateful for it. I’m also trying to be grateful for it right now, but that’s a tall order. Pema Chodron suggests that we have a propensity to anger (and other painful emotions). And while these propensities may be comforting and familiar, we can decide in any moment to stop reinforcing them. Her instruction is to “drop the story line.” The path of suffering is replaying how we were wronged over and over, even though it feels like such an important thing to do.
I maintain my faith and find peace in the fact that my life is always good. In easy times and in difficult times, life is good. And I take comfort in the biblical story of Joseph. After overcoming great obstacles and achieving great success, Joseph is reunited with his brothers who, out of jealousy, had sold him into slavery years earlier. He now had the power to feed them or let them starve to death during a famine. And he chose to love them saying, “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for my good.”
Whether we view difficulty as purification of karma or a test of faith, it still sucks loving our enemy today. But responding in every moment with compassion is the only way to manifest peace and all things good tomorrow.
Have you overcome the temptation to seek revenge and instead responded to your “enemy” with lovingkindness? Have you looked at your enemy’s face and seen Jesus, the Buddha, the divine… at work for your good? Please share your story of overcoming adversity through meditation and peace, or otherwise following the spiritual path, in the comments. If you have a story of how you added to the suffering of an unfortunate situation by reacting in anger and vengefulness, share that too. We can learn and grow from all experiences. My ebook recounts the numerous times I chose the path of destruction – but eventually, even I learned. I am responsible in part for the situation I’m in, and I have the power to affect how this situation will develop. Liberation!